Just out! A completely unofficial report says the grass is greenest in the land of the long white cloud. The report indicates that once Kiwi's have moved overseas they actually want to move back and they're telling all their new friends to come over too!
Unnamed experts from the reputable NZIG (New Zealand Institute of Greatness) identified several pseudo-scientific reasons why New Zealand has the greenest grass on earth, and why New Zealand may be the greatest place on earth.
The Grass is Scientifically Greener
New Zealand is like the Norway of the Pacific. Pretty cool, huh? Aotearoa is greener than most countries in the world. Miles and miles of rolling green hills and paddocks make for scenery that is only matched in parts of Scandinavia or Patagonia. New Zealand’s greenery is produced by some healthy seasonal weather, including a decent winter.
Winter is a Thing
In many parts of the world you can expect sun and heat all year round, but how boring is that? Happiness in life is about contrast. We go hungry, so we can enjoy the pleasure of eating again; and in the same vain, we have cold winters to enjoy the summer once more. But the winters are epic anyway: ski trips up the mountain anyone?
Life is a Great Adventure
The awe-inspiring landscape of New Zealand means life is a great big adventure. Everyone lives near the sea, or a lake, or mountain, or even a national park. Whether you enjoy road-trips, skiing, bungee jumping, skydiving, water skiing, hiking, or tramping; there is so much adventure to be found in New Zealand.
New Zealand is a Country, not a Continent
Imagine driving from Perth to Sydney. Google reckons that would take you over 40 hours. Auckland to Queenstown, on the other hand, is a modest 20-hour journey, including a wee break on the ferry from Wellington to Picton. In New Zealand, if you need to visit family living in another part of the country or if you want a vacation from the city, it’s normally right on your doorstep.
Wildlife is Cute, not Deadly
Many parts of the world are bursting with animals that simply want to kill you. Sharks, stingrays, crocs, spiders, snakes and a whole bunch of other deadly creatures all lurking around the corner in Australia. But New Zealand has sheep, Kiwi birds that can’t fly, and a poisonous spider with no teeth – the Daddy Long Legs. The only thing to worry about is how you’re going to take your afternoon nap with so many birds chirping away in your garden…
The Kiwi Accent is a Global Phenomena
Whether it’s fans of Flight of the Conchords or the John Oliver Show, people around the world have a thing for the Kiwi accent. It’s a bizarre cocktail of British English, Australian, South African and Maori. When the letter ‘i’ is pronounced as a ‘u’ and an ‘e’ is pronounced as an ‘i’, you’re probably in the company of a Kiwi.
It’s the Economy, You Silly Billy
New Zealand is one of the only countries in the world with such a strong economic growth rate, of currently 3.6%. Incomes are rising and job opportunities are everywhere. New Zealand is currently undergoing a construction boom to meet the housing demands of an increasing population; so for anyone with skills in this area living overseas it might be time to come home and smell the bacon.
People are Laidback
Life is too short to stress. In much of New Zealand you will find kids running around with bare feet, without a care in the world. This sums up the Kiwi attitude towards life. Relaxed and laidback folks are what make New Zealand a great country, and why so many people want to live there. People won’t snob you or act pretentiously, like in many of the big cities of the world. Remember Fish n’ Chips on the beach and Wharf Jumps? That’s what being a Kiwi is all about!!!
The Food is Mint
Peanut Slab, Cookie Times, Lamingtons, Mallow Puffs, Mince Pies, Sausage Sizzles, Afghans, Fish n Chips, Marmite & Chip Sandwich, Hangi, Whitebait Fritter, The Original Kiwi Dip, Chocolate Fish, Feijoas, Pineapple Lumps, Spaghetti on Toast, Mince on Toast, Kiwifruit, Lamb, Anzac Biscuits, Manukua Honey, YUM!!!! Kangaroo meat, oh yeah nah!!!
Beauden Barrett, Enough Said
The All Blacks are once again redefining the way Rugby is being played. The pace and skill of the New Zealand team has become the envy of the world. Leading the charge has been the kid from Taranaki, Beauden Barrett. Half man, half gazelle, Barrett is sure to torment the Pom's and Aussie's over the coming years. Even more reason to jump back on a plane to New Zealand and support your national team as they take the game to a new level!!!
Upon sourcing the information from the report, we have been informed that the NZIG has been disbanded and will no longer be conducting scientific studies due to dodgy research methods. But it seems the evidence speaks for itself! So Kiwi expats, what are you waiting for? Grab the whānau and tell a bunch of your new mates that life doesn’t get any better than in Aotearoa, New Zealand.
